Currently, I’m building a system to challenge myself to notice when I’m avoiding doing things, figure out why I’m not doing them, and then do them anyway. For more details on the origins of this system, read this post.
For check-ins, I’m going to use the following structure: review the goals for this week, evaluate how I did, and identify process improvements for the coming week. Ready? Let’s go!
WHAT WERE YOU DOING THIS WEEK?
Here’s what I had to say last week:
Positive reinforcement can be a powerful force. So I’m going to try and put it to use in the next week by attempting to notice when I’m spiraling into self-flagellation and instead consciously create a positive spin with my thoughts.
For example, if I find myself scrolling for too long (we’re talking hours here, people), my thoughts tend to go to, “Gee, I’m so lazy, I’ll never get anything done, that was such a waste of time, what is wrong with me?!” If, instead, I stop and think, “Huh, maybe I needed a break. But now that break’s over and I’m free to go do something else. Maybe something that will give me the dopamine hit I’m desperately seeking.”
HOW DID IT GO?
Over the past week, I noticed two big things:
I’m not “coming up short”
Putting a positive spin on things actually puts the emphasis on what I didn’t do, rather than what I have done. I’m realizing the core of being confident in doing things for the first time and avoiding self-judgement is to focus on what you have accomplished, not some imaginary deficit between what you’ve done and what you imagine you could or should have done. You are the only person with high expectations for yourself. The people in your life who care about you, care about YOU. They don’t care about what you’ve done or what you could do.
I am trying to live up to an imaginary standard. There is no panel judging me, no measuring stick to use. Just my own judgment. So if it’s my own judgement that I’m fighting…I can choose how I judge myself. And I’m going to try and celebrate my wins instead of listing my shortcomings.
Visibility drives mindset, not vice versa
Part of the behavior pattern I’m confronting is my fear of showing people my efforts before I know they meet my impossibly-high standards. Turns out one way to shake that habit is to start showing people the messy early steps. I stumbled into that solution by sharing my progress on building a storage bench on Instagram. If you’re not following me there, it’s @gobeforegreen and it’s a lot of timelapses of sanding.
By sharing what I’ve been working on – as it happens – on Instagram, I’m getting things done and not worrying about whether I’ll mess it up or if it will be perfect. It’s weird – I thought that I would practice my new mindset in private and then be able to go fearlessly do things in front of people. Turns out, if I go do things (with or without fear), the mindset is what follows.
WHAT WILL YOU DO FOR THE UPCOMING WEEK?
Ok, I think this section needs a little more structure. First, I’m going to capture a quick summary of past weeks’ learnings, then identify what I’ll be focused on for the next week.
- Positive reinforcement takes practice
Now, for this next week, I have two things to try and implement:
Create a list of “weekly wins”
To focus on what I HAVE done instead of what I HAVEN’T, I’m going to compile a list of weekly wins and really allow myself to be proud of what I’m getting done.
Keep sharing my progress!
Sharing my projects on Instagram is really helping me feel focused and motivated. But I think it’s also helping me get out of my own head about what I’m working on – instead of judging myself, I’m seeing myself from a friend’s point of view. And that helps me be more forgiving!
